I knew that facing my feelings of unworthiness -- one of my phobias -- would be difficult and that most probably this meditation cycle would not be very smooth. I've impressed myself by posting as consistently as I have.
I know that my feelings of unworthiness stem from trauma that I suffered in my infancy. I discovered this when I was able to heal some other traumas from that period in my life, but I left my feelings of unworthiness to be addressed at another time. That time is now, this meditation cycle.
These feelings of unworthiness manifest themselves in several ways. Here are two:
- I feel as if I cannot protect or take care of myself.
- I feel that I have no authority.
These feelings seem very real to me, causing crippling anxiety. In healing other parts of my traumatic experiences, I was able to eradicate a great deal of anxiety so I have been through these feelings before. The first time was the worst. I could not function.
The hardest part of these anxiety attacks is seeing through the illusion long enough to realize or remember that I not only can make the problem go away, but I can create a different reality. This is theory put into practice -- staring down the face of some of my greatest fears and turning them into amicable strengths.
Some of you will understand crippling anxiety, having gone through it yourself. Others will judge it as weakness or laziness and easily dismiss it. What follows is written for those who have the compassion to continue reading and those who can find some value in what I want to communicate.
From the midst of my anxiety and inaction, something somewhere from deep inside of me calls for the Universe to help me see through the illusion. Since I build up walls to protect and hang on to the anxiety and fear, sometimes it takes a while for a breakthrough. Sometimes, I remember a catalytic thought, allowing me to snap out of the illusion and transform my life and other times, I am simply moved to review my notes where I keep step-by-step details for coming out of an anxiety attack.
This time, I have been fortunate to have been moved to review my notes, some of which I will share with you. Before I do that, however, I need to discuss Amen.
One of the aspects of Amen is that it is the source of all in an unconditioned, formless state of oneness. You can call Amen nothingness, the primordial, the void. Nothing in an Amen state can be identified, because it has no form. This is a paradoxical state because we always exist in this state, and, yet, we don't, because we also are in form and can be identified. This is what makes illusions seem so real and this is the key to breaking through illusions -- remembering, that everything is always in a formless state even as we recognize a form. This is the power of perception.
In the movie, What the Bleep!? - Down the Rabbit Hole (QUANTUM Three-Disc Special Edition)
, a wonderful explanation of the vast power of perception is offered. What I gleaned from it is that human thought has the power of an atomic bomb or atomic bombs. This energy is necessary because it is what holds for us reality (matter) into its form. It gets complicated, but essentially, nothing is solid. We have been trained to detect reality based only upon what our five senses can identify. Our sixth sense (what we've come to call intuition), is our conscious connection to the electromagnetic fields of energy. It is here where we can understand that we have a tremendous power to change what we perceive to be reality. Why? Because ultimately everything is formless until we apply to it meaning and identity. When we consciously control that application, we as creators, change reality. As above, so below.
In the midst of an anxiety attack, this sense of power is unthinkable. Once I am able to break through the illusion of an anxiety attack, I have to consciously work my way back to understanding my power, using the 11 Laws of Maat.
Here is something that I wrote that reading really helps once I come from under the influence of an anxiety attack. I give much credit to What the Bleep!? - Down the Rabbit Hole (QUANTUM Three-Disc Special Edition)
and Ra Un Nefer Amen and the affirmations in the Sebek part of his book, Tree of Life Meditation System (T.O.L.M.)
, pages 222-227. The wording below is directed at the source of my anxiety attack.
"It is only my belief in you that makes you real and the meaning that I give to you. You are matter held in form by my belief in you. That belief is based upon energy that is more powerful than an atomic bomb or perhaps many atomic bombs. I have been choosing to use that energy to hold your form in tact.
"I now choose to recognize that the energy and my choice of how that energy is to be used represent my likeness to God. This is the power of God inside of me. 'I am the power of God -- not in amount, but in kind. Thus, I am relaxed in the face of the greatest challenges' (Ra Un Nefer Amen).
"By recognizing you as energy/matter and the consciousness/will, empowered by the meaning that I give to you, I can enjoy choosing to change your meaning, and, therefore, your form and function into a reflection that promotes my Divinity -- which is 'an unlimited capacity to manifest and accomplish' (Ra Un Nefer Amen). This all means that I am a creator."
I hope that this information is helpful.
Until next time,
Hetep
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