Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 14 -- Het-Heru

Hetep Everyone,

This meditation cycle is about experiencing my worth as a Divine Being. I've discovered that one of the obstacles for achieving this goal is my tendency to have crippling anxiety attacks, making it difficult for me to function properly or consistently. These anxiety attacks are triggered by preconditioned responses to experiences that feel like the sources of trauma which have occurred throughout my life since my infancy. These anxiety attacks are based upon illusions that seem real. My responses to the illusions are feelings of powerlessness and a sense of being stripped of authority. In most cases, the situation does not warrant such responses, but, because my emotions are real, I cannot accurately evaluate the situation, and, therefore, cannot provide a proper response.

What is the solution? I'm discovering that there are many solutions.

• I could learn to pause and see through the illusions.
• I could use the technique that I used to heal part of my anxiety -- regressive meditation, going back to the point in my infancy that I have identified as the source or one of the sources of the anxiety.
• I could cultivate my understanding of my Divine purpose. I have a funny feeling, however, that I am living my purpose, sharing my journey of healing with you. Perhaps I expected that fulfilling my purpose would be something huge and glamorous, creating lots and lots of money.
  
  Maybe, instead of cultivating an understanding of my purpose, I should cultivate acceptance of it.
• I could cultivate joy (passion) for living my purpose.
• I could cultivate my Ra (life force energy) and direct it toward living my purpose.

I have a great many psychological barriers protecting the sources of my anxiety. My goal is just to keep hammering at them in different ways until they shatter.

During this meditation cycle, I tried looking at my Self as a Divine Being and discovered that, alone, this was not enough. I needed to go back and look at my egoic self. This is what I am doing now. It's very painful, but tolerable, as long as I continue to exercise patience with myself.

One thing that I have noticed is that it is difficult for me to see myself having what I want or even to picture what I want for myself. This is a Pam-being-kind-to-Pam problem -- one that is perfect for Het-Heru.

Okay, just to put all of this together, if I use my Ra (life force) to stimulate my imagination, I could create images in which I see my actions of accepting my Divine purpose, and, therefore, my worth as a Divine Being.

Along these lines, I want to share this quote with you from Ra Un Nefer Amen's book, Tree of Life Meditation System (T.O.L.M.)p. 186.

"Actions cannot be carried out without energy. The energies through which we are motivated (that provide the motor power -e-motions, passions) to act in the world, are invoked and organized by the images manipulated through the faculty of imagination."

All of this, of course, has to be taken into mediumistic trance meditation in order to program this information into my spirit so that I can use it as an act of will and automatic response.

Well, that's it for now. Until next time,
Hetep