Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 21 -- Amen

Hetep Everyone,

Amen is the subjective realm. Nothing exists in this realm, yet all comes from it. Everything comes from it and everything must return to it. Amen is the ultimate paradox and the great equalizer. It is a state of existence that has no beginning and no end. It just is. Everything that we think exists exists because we think it does. This is what gives us the likeness of God -- our beliefs and our ability to change those beliefs, thus changing reality.

These are fancy words. Change your beliefs and you change your reality. I have had to clear away a lot of sludge-filled emotions to understand the truth of these words. Now, from the lessons I've learned during this meditation cycle, I am in the process of programming my spirit to live this truth.

Here are some of the things that this meditation cycle has taught me:

• Change my images, beliefs, and affirmations to ones of joy in order to transform my thoughts, feelings and actions.
• Transform my thoughts, feelings, and actions to fit the form and function of my circumstances and situations.
• Fit the form and function of my thoughts, feelings, and actions to suit my purpose in God's Divine plan for me.
• Always claim and reclaim my peace so that I may fulfill my purpose in God's Divine plan for me.
• I can always reclaim my peace by transforming my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
• My worth as a Divine Being lies in my developing my true Self so that I may fulfill my purpose in God's Divine Plan for me.

For the rest of this meditation cycle, I will continue to program my spirit to accept these lessons.

Well, that's it for now. Until next time,
Hetep

Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 18 -- Seker

Hetep Everyone,

The journey of this meditation cycle has been quite a ride. I've gone from feeling sorry for myself because I did not know how to evaluate my worth, to looking at my Self from the point of view of a Divine Being, and then back to looking at my worth to help cultivate my ego into one that is healthy, yet submissive to Ausar. This last area has been the most revealing.

I have discovered that I basically have been a very sad person, malnourished of joy. To counteract this, I have been actively seeking images of joy for the things that I do on a daily basis. Sometimes, this is very difficult because I am so used to complaining, that I find I have no idea what joyful images I can use to replace the ones that are sad. I am committed, however, to finding joyful images. I desire greatly to practice the belief that there is always something to be glad about if you look hard enough for it.

Why is this so important?

Life force energy (Ra, Chi, Kundalini) is greatly assisted by joy (Het-Heru energy) and greatly drained by negative emotions. My profound sadness is a reflection of my depleted life force energy. Joyful images inspire joyful thoughts, feelings, and actions; thus, a joyful life -- a life worth living; a life worthy of a Divine Being.

The opposite, of course, is true. Negative images inspire negative (limited) thoughts, feelings, and actions; thus, a negative life -- a devalued life; a life beset by the limitations of only being a human being. This is a life that has no hope of reaching the energy level of the unfathomable spiritual power of Seker.

Well, that's it for now. Until next time,
Hetep

Until next time,
Hetep

Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 14 -- Het-Heru

Hetep Everyone,

This meditation cycle is about experiencing my worth as a Divine Being. I've discovered that one of the obstacles for achieving this goal is my tendency to have crippling anxiety attacks, making it difficult for me to function properly or consistently. These anxiety attacks are triggered by preconditioned responses to experiences that feel like the sources of trauma which have occurred throughout my life since my infancy. These anxiety attacks are based upon illusions that seem real. My responses to the illusions are feelings of powerlessness and a sense of being stripped of authority. In most cases, the situation does not warrant such responses, but, because my emotions are real, I cannot accurately evaluate the situation, and, therefore, cannot provide a proper response.

What is the solution? I'm discovering that there are many solutions.

• I could learn to pause and see through the illusions.
• I could use the technique that I used to heal part of my anxiety -- regressive meditation, going back to the point in my infancy that I have identified as the source or one of the sources of the anxiety.
• I could cultivate my understanding of my Divine purpose. I have a funny feeling, however, that I am living my purpose, sharing my journey of healing with you. Perhaps I expected that fulfilling my purpose would be something huge and glamorous, creating lots and lots of money.
  
  Maybe, instead of cultivating an understanding of my purpose, I should cultivate acceptance of it.
• I could cultivate joy (passion) for living my purpose.
• I could cultivate my Ra (life force energy) and direct it toward living my purpose.

I have a great many psychological barriers protecting the sources of my anxiety. My goal is just to keep hammering at them in different ways until they shatter.

During this meditation cycle, I tried looking at my Self as a Divine Being and discovered that, alone, this was not enough. I needed to go back and look at my egoic self. This is what I am doing now. It's very painful, but tolerable, as long as I continue to exercise patience with myself.

One thing that I have noticed is that it is difficult for me to see myself having what I want or even to picture what I want for myself. This is a Pam-being-kind-to-Pam problem -- one that is perfect for Het-Heru.

Okay, just to put all of this together, if I use my Ra (life force) to stimulate my imagination, I could create images in which I see my actions of accepting my Divine purpose, and, therefore, my worth as a Divine Being.

Along these lines, I want to share this quote with you from Ra Un Nefer Amen's book, Tree of Life Meditation System (T.O.L.M.)p. 186.

"Actions cannot be carried out without energy. The energies through which we are motivated (that provide the motor power -e-motions, passions) to act in the world, are invoked and organized by the images manipulated through the faculty of imagination."

All of this, of course, has to be taken into mediumistic trance meditation in order to program this information into my spirit so that I can use it as an act of will and automatic response.

Well, that's it for now. Until next time,
Hetep

Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 12 -- Auset

Hetep Everyone,

Day 12 is the programming phase of the meditation cycle. At this point, I am to tally something called a Spiritual Quotient. This is a measurable account of my alignment with my True Self as a Divine Being.

During the first phase of the cycle, the examining phase, I studied my worth as a Divine Being from the perspectives of each deity or principle on the Tree of Life. Ra Un Nefer Amen, in his book, Tree of Life Meditation System, devotes one chapter per deity to explain these perspectives and possible ways in which I, as the meditator, break each law by not having already what I have requested in the meditation cycle.

At the end of each chapter are questions that help me to assess how well I am complying with each law. Affirmative answers are awarded points. The more points I have at the end of the examining phase, the higher my Spiritual Quotient.

It is difficult for me to amass points because I have difficulty complying with the laws. I could beat myself up and say, "Oh, you're a sinner," but that would not be true. The point of the meditation cycle is to program my spirit, to train myself, to comply with the laws. This takes time and lots of practice. It is almost impossible to read the laws and practice them consistently without training.

You would not expect a 300lb couch potato to run a marathon and then judge him for collapsing after the first quarter mile. But, if he were properly trained and committed to the conditioning, he could, over time, learn to do it -- with joy and enthusiasm. The same thing applies to following the laws.

My spiritual quotient is always very low -- less than 20. As Ra Un Nefer Amen puts it in Tree of Life Meditation System, " A person with a score below 109 is spiritually unstable and greatly dependent on circumstances for stability in their lives" (p. 217). I don't worry about this because I'm committed to following the meditation cycles and I have a lot of areas in my life that need to be reprogrammed. I can see progress.

Once I receive my spiritual quotient, the next step for me is to perform a meditation dedicated to the Sorrows of Auset. This helps me to reflect on genuine remorse for not living my life as a Divine Being and either to manifest my request or to remove my desire for the request.

Following this meditation, I would perform a second meditation in which I envision myself as my True Self -- Divine Being -- performing in a manor consistent with the 11 Laws. By this time, from my studies of myself, I would have some idea of what this manor would be, whether it would be seeing my Self receiving what I requested or performing an action in which my request was no longer needed.

For my Sorrows of Auset meditation, I visualized myself learning how to love me -- my person, my egoic self. I never learned to do this. I would always act under the assumption that I loved myself without any regard for the fact that I was never trained how to do it.

Why would I need training for something that is supposed to be "natural"? I've lived in trauma most of my life, some of it imposed upon me and a lot of it self-imposed. I am a descendant of the Willie Lynch legacies of slavery and segregation. Almost everyone I know suffers from this trauma. I think that training myself how to love myself is pivotal to living my life both as an earth-bound being and as a Divine Being with an infinite existence.

Well, this is all for now. Until next time,
Hetep

Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 1 -- Amen

Hetep Everyone,

Amen is a peace that nothing can disturb. We all have access to this level of peace on a consistence basis, but maintaining our awareness of this level of peace takes training, skill, and practice. This means that although I strive to achieve consistent awareness, I am not disturbed by my deficiencies because I persistently pursue my peace.

For this meditation cycle, I want to experience my worth as a Divine Being. Why? Only through experience can we "know". Everything else is theory. Once I have acquired this knowledge, I can apply it to every area of my life.

All of my life I have felt "unworthy". I don't know why. Pep talks, triumphs, positive thinking, etc. -- none of these things have penetrated this unworthy feeling. I'm beginning to think that this feeling is ancestral. Maybe some ancestor, during slavery, never healed herself in the spirit world and needs me to do it for her. Whatever the source, the time for healing this feeling has arrived.

Why do I want to experience my Self as a Divine Being? First, let me quote from Ra Un Nefer's book Tree of Life Meditation System, page 84, so that you will know somewhat the concept of Divine Being.

"The divine part of being is the faculty that coordinates and unifies our physiological and unconscious mental functions (Ausar, sphere 1). When one establishes the original and essential state of one's energy/matter -- 0 -- as the dominant 'emotion' [peace] in one's life, the divine part of being, Ausar, will extend its functions to the foreground of one's life."

What this means is that I want the outside of my life to run as smoothly as the functions of my body that I personally do not coordinate like, digestion, making sure that the oxygen I breathe in goes to my red blood cells and that the carbon dioxide flowing from my veins to my lungs gets exhaled from my body. The precision of these types of functions is beyond my conscious ability to mastermind. God takes care of these things. I want this same type of precision running my daily affairs. I want the experience of this, and, therefore, the true knowledge of it so that I can fulfill my life's purpose without obstacles.

Feeling unworthy is a huge obstacle. I want to release it back to the Universe -- Amen -- send it too its final resting place.

Now, my job during this part of the meditation cycle is to see how hanging on to feelings of being unworthy cause me to break the Law of Amen. First, let me give you the law. I've personalized it from the wording of Ra Un Nefer Amen in his Maat the 11 laws of God. I do this because I like the way it makes the law apply directly to me.

Amen -- I am made in the likeness of a peace that nothing can disturb. I reclaim my peace so that I may attain to the reason I have come into existence -- the enjoyment of life.

Here are some ways that I break this law:

• I forget that everything is void of value. The only value in anything is the value that I choose to give it or that which I agree is valuable because I was conditioned to accept it as valuable. This means that I can release the part of me that I describe as unworthy by releasing its meaning, thus, dispelling its power over me. I say this on a conscious level, but I want to know this subconsciously through experience.
• I forget the hidden nature of God. God is in everything...everything. If I could remember to look for God in everything, then I could strengthen my feelings of connection with God, with the All. You can't get more worthy than that, but like I said, it's one thing to say this or write about it. It's another thing to live it with an understanding that is so thorough that calling upon the knowledge and receiving a response is as natural as having my fingers respond to my intentions of typing this message for you. This is my goal, to be so connected with the All that my intentions automatically manifest themselves because they are in alignment with the All.

Well, this is it for now. Thanks for joining me on this next meditation cycle through another journey. Until next time,
Hetep

Tree of Life Meditation System -- The Night Before the New Moon

Hetep Everyone,

This is the night before the new moon so I am about to do my meditation for the new meditation cycle. I will be focusing on consciously experiencing my worth as a Divine Being. The phrasing may change, but the concept is the same.

It is one thing to read about being a Divine Being and theorizing about it, but it is another to experience it so that the the knowledge penetrates internally and becomes a part of my habitual reactions, thought processes and feelings. Only experience can give this to me so I am calling it forward.

Until next time,
Hetep

Tree of Life Meditation System -- Assessment -- Amen

Hetep Everyone,

I spoke to a friend of mine today. He told me that he'd had a great day. When I said that I had had one too, he said , "Of course, you're a child of God." This sort of statement is accepted by so many religious and spiritual people that it has become almost irrefutable, but the Metu Neterteaches that there is a difference between being informed and knowing something.

Being informed is being told something, but knowing something, the Metu Neter says, is having experience of the information.

As I begin to wind up this meditation cycle with the new moon approaching, I've come to realize that I don't know who I am as a Divine Being. I have a great deal of information about being a Divine Being, but little knowledge of it. It is very easy for something to strike me the wrong way and I feel guilty and unworthy without understanding why. How can I receive the money from the Universe that I asked for if I feel unworthy of having it? This means that if I get it, I won't keep it long.

I had thought about focusing on developing my Men Ab meditation skills for the next meditation cycle, but I like to get at the heart of things, the most basic levels. I think that getting rid of the emotional buttons inside of me that are so easily and sporadically triggered is more important. I'm going to play with these themes before I make my decision, but in the meantime, from the Metu Neter, vol. 1 page 284, here are some positive qualities of Heru whose energies rule over Men Ab meditation:

• Magnanimous - noble; not petty, mean or selfish
• Desirous of power and leadership
• Full of vitality (hence, "Strong Willed")
• Zealous -- enthusiastic
• Noble
• Lofty -- very high, exalted or elevated in character
• Proud
• Ardent -- enthusiastic
• Authoritative
• Humane, etc.

How can a person who feels unworthy exhibit these qualities or maintain the fire energy to consistently perform Men Ab meditations? I have been searching and searching for the thing that blocks me from performing at the level I feel I should be using, but I have not discovered the source. One thing that I am sure of is that the walls are cracking and crumbling, but I want them down. I'm patient enough, however, to go through the process and enjoy the journey so I'll keep searching until I find it.

That's it for now. Until next time,
Hetep