Tree of Life Meditation System -- Day 10 -- Auset

Hetep Everyone,

I think I may have made a big, but correctable mistake. When I began this meditation cycle, I wanted not just to understand my worth, but to experience it as a Divine Being. I realized that I was focusing a great deal on understanding why I felt unworthy. Since I was manifesting reasons for feeling unworthy instead of solutions for feeling worthy, I realized that I could focus more on being a Divine Being, which surely should lead to solutions that would allow me to feel worthy.

I believe that this plan is working. I have manifested a tremendous insight. When speaking to a community elder about wanting to feel more worthy, she said my problem was a "Pam-being-kind-to-Pam problem." She meant that I can be very kind to others, but I have a huge problem being kind to myself.

One Sista said about me that I don't feel that I deserve the kindness and that she understood it because she had the same problem -- that this is a part of the legacy left to us by Willie Lynch. She told me that feeling unworthy is a bigger problem in the black community than I could imagine and that I was not alone.

My mistake was that although I heard what these women said, I did not internalize it. I brushed aside the importance of being kind to myself.

Before I get into this I must say that one aspect of Auset is that Auset energy represents the personality, the ego -- the side of me that wants to feel worthy. I want to give you the law of Auset and then discuss how I am breaking this law.

Here is the Law of Auset, personalized from the words of Ra Un Nefer Amen in his book, Maat: the 11 Laws of God.

Auset: I am prepared to sacrifice everything in order to become God's vessel on earth. In return, I will receive everything.

How do I break the Law of Auset by not experiencing my worth as a Divine Being?

Auset represents the 9th Sphere on the Tree of Life. The complement to Auset is Ausar, the 1st Sphere. Since Auset represents the ego, then Ausar represents the Divine Being. These two faculties are like pedals on a bicycle. Both are needed to move the vehicle. Having only one will not work.

In my effort to focus only on my Self as a Divine Being (an aspect of Ausar), I may have been trying to ride a bicycle with only one pedal.

I'm going to listen to my elder and my Sista and learn to be kind to myself while still being submissive to my Self as a Divine Being. I'll begin by listening to India.Arie's I'm Having a Private Party. Ashe!

That is it for now. Until next time,
Hetep